"We did it!"
Sometimes, I wondered if telling each other stories and using the past tense might not be such a positive exercise. I wondered if perhaps it was simply a case of two girls descending further into the Lala land of our imaginations ... and further away from a focus on 'reality.' Now, however, I realize there was something to it. There's a lot to be said for moving into belief. (Mind you, I'm also an actress and Lala Land was exactly where I ended up. So hey, maybe it worked!)
There are many ways to affirm the vision of one's future. Affirmations, in general, tend to get a little ridiculed, though there's certainly nothing wrong with the idea of feeding yourself positive statements throughout the course of the day. ( Frankly, the negative ones seem to come all too naturally for most people.) Remember Al Franken's alter ego Stuart Smalley on Saturday Night Live? Think on that. He is now the U.S. senator from Minnesota. "He's good enough, he's smart enough, and doggone-it, people like him!"
Some life coaches will tell you, when you want to realize something in your life, get very specific on how you want that to look. See it in your head. Affirm it constantly. I don't tend to set my sights on results. For me, it's the journey that I want to affirm. (That probably comes from how I grew up, moving from country to country and never knowing how long I'd be in one place.) My feeling is we're always in the journey. Right? We may experience temporary bliss upon having achieved a goal, but then, we're back into the journey almost instantly. There is no there there. So given this, I want to affirm a joyous and fulfilling journey. A journey that leads to many wonderful surprises and discoveries. A journey filled with love and laughter. A journey where my inner being feels whole and at peace. In fact, I actually like not knowing exactly where I'm going. I like to steer myself as best I can, but then, I want to stay open and let the rest reveal itself. I even do this when I go on a hike. I don't like to look at the peak ahead and factor in the distance between us. I know it's there and I know that's where I'll be eventually, but unless I need to look at a map or factor in the course of my path, I like to be in the moment and experience the unfolding of the journey. Then, I'll look back and see the course behind me. I'm better at that. It's a known and experienced entity.
Now, positive thinking, that's something we all could use. I made an affirmation tape for myself years ago, when I was living in L.A. I would listen to it in the car on the way to and from auditions. The affirmations I chose for myself were based on the general themes of creative fulfillment, health, happiness and love. I used the first person and the present tense and affirmed all the qualities of a life that I wanted to fully realize. I listened to that tape on my way to meet with a top commercial agent in L.A. and I felt really upbeat when I met her. She signed me on. I listened to that tape on the way to a Star Trek audition and I remember feeling really grounded, really connected, when I waited to read. Later that day, they called to tell me I got the role.
Mind you, there were many more days and many more car trips to audition after audition after audition that I didn't land and there were days when I couldn't bring myself to listen to that damn tape again. It bored me. It was repetitive and it felt ridiculous and I told myself that it didn't work. But I forced myself to listen anyway, thinking of it as if I was going to the gym; it was my daily mental and emotional exercise. By exercising my brain this way, I allowed myself to default to a more positive place on a more frequent basis. And that could only help me in the long run.
Affirmations can be created in a number of ways. From the positive statements we repeat to ourselves each day, to the visualizations of something we want in our future, or even to using the present tense to talk about these things as if they've already happened. Positive thinking is always a good idea. After all, it beats telling ourselves we're not good enough, we aren't liked and problems are all that await us. I say bring 'em on.
Check out the Marianne Williamson quote on our story submission page. I love that one. And by the way, consider writing something for us while you're there! Check out our guidelines. Believe me: You all dare to be fabulous every day.
DTBF!
Johanna
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3 Comments:
Thank you for a wonderful story and a great post, Johanna. Roxanne LOVED affirmations and recited them frequently.
Although I have a problem with "You just have to think positively and everything will be just fine" (as you know, one of the 20 things people with cancer want you to know from my book is "Telling me to think positively can make me feel worse"), making affirmations can be tremendously helpful in realizing your desires, and I do love the idea of talking about something you hope for in the past tense, as if it had already happened.
It's important, however, that we accept feelings of fear and sadness and let them pass through us without judging ourselves. Sometimes sadness and fear are appropriate responses, especially to illness or grief.
AND - attempting to see the glass as half full, once we've let ourselves experience fear or grief, helps keep hope alive.
Again, my thanks. You are totally fabulous!
Always hope,
Lori
Lori, I totally agree with you. It's possible for people to get caught up in the idea that they're supposed to be positive all the time, which is not only unrealistic, it's unhealthy. The idea for me, in doing affirmations, is only to help etch a new groove of positive thinking and self confidence where the cynical or self judging voices usually come into play. However, feeling grief and processing the very real situation of one's life is also crucial. Thank you for making sure that was emphasized here.
DTBF!
Johanna
I believe in affirmations - even if their reach is only for the brief moment I say or think them. For that moment I am lifted higher. I believe they become more powerful with consistent practice and I thank you for the reminder to make it a practice and focus on the journey. Very insightful.
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